Thankfully, none of it is rationed.

 At least I can smile about it all now, but I have been thinking about the latter part of my teens into the first half of my twenties and all of its terrors. I can only describe that period as a “perfect storm.” The first explanation that popped up when I searched the meaning of this metaphor said a perfect storm is “a situation where multiple negative events or factors coincide, creating a disastrous or extremely challenging outcome.” Twenty something year old me really believed this was how the rest of my life would be, I was really wrong, and I was right.

A few years ago, I was in business school and the focus of the programme I was in, was design thinking and how to use it as leaders within business or commerce. We often had to share our ideas on how to solve ordinary and outlandish business problems. Initially, everyone would default to their usual thinking patterns and choose the tried and tested methods recommended by the textbook, experience or the environments we worked in. The programme material had a particular focus on neuroscience to help us understand why we thought in the ways we did and how it could hinder our progress and that of the people we managed at work.

Patterns are deemed important to human life. They enable us to predict outcomes, to give structure to our decision-making and supposedly clarify our reasoning in order to keep us feeling secure. That in itself is not a problem, but I do not think living life like that is rewarding enough. It leaves too little to the imagination and what I can only describe as the magic of life. The sweet nectar of the outcomes we could have never predicted that actually help us be secure, rather than just feeling it from a sometimes-false sense of security created by taking the traditional approach to life.

Having come to understand this about myself and humans in general has made me determined to colour boldly outside the lines. To apply sciences like neuroplasticity to my thought and decision-making processes so I can experience more of the magic. To be happily made up of both my lived experiences and the lessons they came with but also to be constantly receptive and drawn to wonder. I must admit, it seems to be working well so far. All the things twenty something year old me thought I had lost indefinitely or that I could not possibly attain are showing up in my life in all the sweetest ways. Things I did not even imagine would happen to and for me, are happening.

I empathise with people who move through life only expecting disaster or trial. Who live more in their fear than anywhere else. I do not mean the occasional doubt that comes with living through some rubbish, I mean a deep-seated belief that life can only be misery or that you can and should teach yourself to master living in misery well. That there is only one chance at anything and mistakes must be avoided at all costs. That you either need to participate in life according to the mainstream rules of being or you are permanently on the backfoot, so you suppress your own convictions to fit the mould and stay alive.” Older me knows with certainty that life is better than that. Pain and misfortune are not rationed. Thankfully, joy and luck are not rationed either. They too will show up many times in our lives.